My Journey To Indwelling Health

Returning to Indwelling Health: A Journey Through Loss, Illness, and Rebirth

By Jess Bell, D.O.

So far, 2025 has been one for the record books. In this blog, I want to take you along on my journey—from being broken open to rediscovering an ever-deepening connection with myself and the indwelling health that lives within my body.

When Everything Falls Apart

January marked the beginning of an unexpected unraveling. Looking back, many moments stand out—but two, in particular, changed everything.

The first was the arrival of two beautiful rescue puppies—eight-month-old sisters from the South. They were sweet and loving, but also deeply traumatized in ways that far exceeded their online descriptions. It became clear within days that they needed far more support than I was trained or equipped to provide.

Though my intuition told me they would be better served in a foster home, my partner, Claire, had quickly fallen in love with them and wasn’t ready to let go.

Ultimately, I made the painful decision to return the dogs. That single choice catalyzed the ending of our nearly four-year love relationship. In one evening, my home shifted from being filled with life and companionship… to a quiet, echoing emptiness. It was a seismic heartbreak—one that split my heart wide open and ushered in the deepest sense of loss I have ever known.

Illness as Initiation

February followed with a high fever and a mysterious abdominal illness that left me completely depleted. I became so sick I needed two liters of IV fluids and oral antibiotics. This was highly unusual for me—I’m rarely ill, take no medications, and use supplements only when intuitively guided. The suddenness and intensity of the illness forced me into a full-body surrender.

I was held by the immense love and support of friends and family and took more time off work than I had in years. I now see this illness as a sacred purge—my body’s way of releasing old, stagnant emotional debris in preparation for what was to come.

Grief and the Wisdom It Carries

By March, my physical health had returned—but my emotional landscape was still a storm. I was in the depths of grieving the most meaningful relationship I’ve ever experienced. Over four years, Claire and I had journeyed together into the realms of emotion, healing, grief, and growth in ways that were utterly transformative. It was a partnership that helped me understand love—especially self-love—on entirely new levels.

Still, even as my heart pleaded for more time, I knew our paths were parting for a reason. Our love was strong—but not enough to contain what we were each becoming. The ache in my chest became a threshold—a painful but necessary passage into deeper freedom: freedom from co-dependency, from self-doubt, from long-held shame.

I let myself weep. Every day. I softened into each wave of feeling and allowed the grief to move through me. By the end of March, something new was arising: a deeper sense of presence. A loving, rooted connection to myself I had never fully known.

Fasting and the Gift of Emptiness

April arrived with a lighter, more spacious energy. While grief still moved through me at times, its grip had softened. In some moments, I even felt joy. Reconnection. Creative energy began to flow again, and my work started expanding in unexpected directions.

But the most profound shift came mid-month, when I entered my first-ever seven-day food fast—part of a sacred Taoist retreat experience called BiGu. Our small group of five was held in a deeply intentional energetic container, practicing ancient healing methods while fasting and drawing nourishment from water, sunlight, and the earth itself.

Just hours before the fast began, I shared an unexpected embrace with Claire, who had returned to collect her remaining belongings. That hug—tender, unexpected, and quietly final—pierced my heart open once more. As the retreat began, I felt like I had made the greatest mistake of my life. How could I enter something this intense while still so raw?

But I stayed. I reached out to our retreat leader, who reminded me I had a choice. Her loving presence helped me drop beneath the pleading of my mind and into the wisdom of my body. I chose to stay. I chose to go in.

A Rebirth From Within

It’s now been nearly three months since that initial fast—and I can hardly put into words how sacred this time has been.

That seven-day journey became a catalyst for even deeper shifts in my body, my spirit, and my daily rhythm. I’ve continued fasting on and off since then—not only releasing food, but also loosening attachments to relationships, routines, and external validation. I’ve met myself in the emptiness and emerged changed. I cried. I walked. I sat with the stories my mind tried to tell—and I watched them float away like clouds.

My inner work has deepened. My devotion to self-care and energetic hygiene has become even more essential. I rise with the dawn each morning, greeted by my six-month-old kitten, Raeya, who curls onto my chest to wake me with her soft vibration. The grief has made space for something new: authentic joy, a sense of reverence for each unfolding day.

My body feels lean, supple, and stronger than it has in years. Chronic shoulder pain that had lingered for months is now only a whisper. And more profoundly, I feel unified with the inner realm I’ve always known as my soul. For the first time, I’m not just aware of indwelling health—I am living it.

What I Now Know

I’ve spent most of my life seeking health, truth, and connection. I’ve long believed that what we search for is already within. But until now, that knowing always felt just out of reach.

Today, I sit here still. Present. Joyful. Content. I feel reborn. Something essential has shifted. And I share this not to spotlight myself, but to show you what’s possible. This isn’t just my story—it’s an invitation into yours.

A Space for You

If you feel called to return to your own indwelling health—to your coherence, your clarity, your inner aliveness—then I warmly invite you into a new online community I recently launched called Indwelling Health Collective.

This is a sacred space where I share the authentic, sometimes bumpy, always meaningful human journey I’m walking—and offer healing and teachings to guide you back to your own wholeness.

I didn’t arrive here alone. I was held. Seen. Supported. You deserve the same.

Whether you join the community or reach out for individual support, you are so welcome here.

It’s time for all of us to rise, shine, and restore the radiant health that already lives within.

With great love,

Jess